Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
