i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
