how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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