Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
