Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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