You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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