People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
