It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
