i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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