You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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