I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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