FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
