I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
