I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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