I think I just saw someone hide a body.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
