Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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