He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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