I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
