Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
