did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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