She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
