sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
