I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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