She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
