So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
