goodnight i made you a song goodbye
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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