It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
