did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
