Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
