oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
