how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
