it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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