Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
