I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize
