ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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