Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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