I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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