so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
