she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
