We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
