You're so nebulous sometimes
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
