I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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