I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
