When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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