I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
