Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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