; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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