What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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