she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
