I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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