How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
