am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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