kristin has been a bad kristin
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
