I want you more than these girls want KFC
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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